Why Men Don't Listen and Why It's Your Fault
Men are notoriously bad at listening to women, and it's all because of you. No, really. It's not that men don't care about what you have to say - it's just that they're not good at listening. It's not their fault! Men are hardwired to be more attentive to detail-oriented tasks, so they tune out the "chatter" in the background, which is often your voice.
Men are hardwired to be less responsive.
Women complain that men don't listen, and men complain that women talk too much. The truth is, both sexes are hardwired to do these things. Women are more sensitive to non-verbal cues, so they pick up on things like posture and facial expressions. Men are more likely to tune out when they're not interested in what's being said. But this doesn't mean women are always right. Sometimes their "talking too much" is actually a sign of insecurity or anxiety, which can be distracting for men who are trying to listen.
What's more, women are more likely to point out things that they think are important, while men don't always see the value of what women say. Women tend to repeat their point until the point becomes worn-out and men can careless. For example, a woman would like for a man to listen to 5 to 10 minutes of her(rambling) making a point with no interruptions, as if the man is a child. This is a huge turn off for real men. In the end he will learn to tune her out over time. He knows when she speaks it will be just ramblings and never making her point.
Men need to know you care.
Men are often criticized for not listening to women, but the truth is that they do care. They just need to know that you are listening. When a man is talking, make eye contact with him and nod your head occasionally. This will let him know you are listening and interested in what he has to say.
Sometimes women are silent not because they agree but because they disagree. When a woman is engaged in conversation she tends to nod her head and say yes or OK. When men see you are not engaged in what he is saying he knows that your not in agreement and could careless about what he is saying. This act is noted as disrespectful and men are more accustom to deal with her less and less to protect his ego.
Do women care enough to be quiet and allow men to think and process. This may take discipline and training on your part. This is real work to control your spirt (emotions and a need to be heard and be right).
Men don’t want to hear about your problems.
The next time you’re in a conversation with your man and he doesn’t seem to be really listening, don’t think he is being rude. It’s not that he doesn’t care, it's just that men don’t want to hear about your problems. So instead of talking about your problems, focus on what you are doing to solve them. Men want to feel like they can provide for their families and protect them.
A man is geared to fix, provide and protect the family. He has a lot on his mind and is not equip to be your therapist. Let's face it, women have a lot of emotion problems that are never really resolved and it is not for a man to spend 6 hours a day talking you through them. This can be exhausting even for a therapist but at least they are paid handsomely for their time.
Bottom line women need to get to the point and practice on being silent, loving and respectful when it comes to a man's time. Understand that he does care but can't solve all of your endless problems. He has plenty on his mind and needs time to unwind from a long day. Men seek peace in the home not problems. Make your home a place of rest not confusion and chaos.
Men don’t like to be told what to do.
Men don’t like to be told what to do. It’s not that they don’t want to listen, it’s that they don’t want to be told what to do. They are men not your child to boss around and belittle. Men are creatures of independence and need to feel in control of their lives. If you try to control them, they will rebel against you and not listen. The man is the head of the house not your equal. One CEO, one president, one king, and one husband; all are leaders and command respect in their office.
Men don’t like to be corrected or interrupted.
Men are often criticized for not listening. The truth is that they do listen, but when you interrupt or correct them, it can be hard for them to pay attention to what you’re saying. I have never seen a CEO corrected in a board meeting they are always respected and talked to as a leader not a child. It makes sense in the context of the male brain, which has evolved to focus on one task at a time. What are the top areas of focus that need attention so the company can remain in profit and continue to prosper.
So, when a man is focusing on something, he tends to tunes out everything else around him. For example, if the ship is sinking; who cares that we are out of potatoes? One is life and death and the other is trivial at best. He doesn’t want to be corrected or interrupted because he’s trying to get his thoughts straight on what is more important to the survival of the people that are under his care. Most men are experts at focusing on the important task and tuning out the least important.
So when a women says things like, "You don't love me." or "You don't care." Men tend to tune these small issues out of their mind because their love is in leadership. Keeping the ship from sinking is great love; more important than saying with tender eyes, "I love you my dear." That garbage is for the movies but real men express love through doing not always saying.
You want a man to listen to you focus on being quiet more. Say less so, when you have something of important to add to the conversation or even a problem he is more incline to want to hear what you have to say. Why? because you are a women of few words and if your speaking it must be important. Bottom line is men are poor listeners because women are poor communicators. As you begin to control your spirt and practices less talking and more listening you will help the man to be a better listener to you and gain his heart.